Running Anyway

DSC_0219So I alluded earlier to the 18 month sleep regression because we are in it I think.  She is 18.5 months old and I am pretty tired most of the time.  That means we are in a sleep regression, right? She was never a great sleeper, really, so who knows.  Anyway.  My running has really taken a hit the last few months.  I was almost at 4 miles at the beginning of summer.  Then the humidity struck, and the sleep thing, and now I am barely cranking out 3 a time or two a week.  Big sigh.  It used to be that I would beat myself up over it and feel bad and vow to get better.  Now, eh, I don’t have the energy for that.  Running is about health for me, but much more mental than physical right now.  Those 30 minutes that I spend outside by myself are medicine for my soul.  I have been feeling pretty cranky with everyone the last couple weeks (and have barely run at all in that time), but today I finally dragged myself back out despite the fact that Margot was up an hour earlier than normal.  I ignored my headache.  I ignored my grumpy inner voice complaining about how it’s not a good time, I’m too tired, other babies are sleeping all night (I don’t actually believe this, but other people claim it is true), I’ll never get better, I’ll never have the time or energy to live the life I want to live.  That inner voice gets pretty intense when I am tired and gloomy.

 

I wish I could say that as soon as my feet started moving I felt great.  Running is really hard for me, so I felt heavy and SLOW.  Being outside when it was still cool and misty (humidity is so romantic in the morning), was amazing. I read somewhere that you never regret the runs you do, only the ones you don’t do, and that came back to me today.  I will be tired later, for sure.  My legs might even be a little sore because I am out of the routine, but my heart will feel good.  I did something for myself today so I won’t be so impatient with Margot when I have to pull her off the dining room table for the 1,899th time.  My grumpy voice won’t be able to get me going by saying I never have any time for myself, because I can go back in my mind to the quiet sound of this morning when I was alone and running and shut the voice off for today.  Then tomorrow, I get a chance to do it again.

 

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