First World Problem

almond butterAlmond butter = Disgusting.

I should just end the post there, but I suppose I should explain.  We are vaguely interested in Paleo, or at least were until I found out there is no peanut butter allowed.  Well, I decided I should be a big girl and at least give almond butter a try.  People seem to like it.  People say it makes a good substitute for peanut butter.

People are wrong.  I guess the problem is in the whole substitution mindset. If you want something just have it, unless you are allergic, etc. then don’t try to pretend like you are having it!  It sucks if you can’t have x, but don’t pretend like y is the same thing.  Like when you substitute soy milk for regular milk.  I like soy milk.  I like regular milk.  They taste completely different, and probably most importantly, have a different mouth feel.  Mouth feel is important.  So almond butter obviously tastes like almonds which taste nothing like peanuts.  (I was so sad when Brandon took the first taste and said that it just tasted like almonds because I was banking on it somehow tasting different. Like peanut butter, maybe?)  Well, I thought, maybe the mouth feel is where people feel almond butter and peanut butter are similar, but no, they are completely different.  Almond butter hits my tongue and I am filled with oily dread.  It tires my mouth out just moving it around. It doesn’t want to be a “butter”, it wants to be a nut with a satisfying crunch.  Peanut butter is thick and heavy, sure, but not so oily and ooblecksy. Peanut butter wants to be peanut butter.

When I saw on the news that there was a recall on almond butter due to salmonella I was actually excited that maybe our jar was included so I wouldn’t feel obligated to eat it.  It wasn’t so I am stuck finding something to do with it because it was expensive (at least more so than my beloved peanut butter). Talk about adding insult to injury!

I spent a despondent 10 minutes looking for recipes to jazz it up or at least mask the flavor and texture, but nothing called to me.  There were some chocolate almond butter recipes that claimed to be just as good as Nutella which just brings me back to my original problem – why not just have Nutella?  Why not just have peanut butter?  I don’t have a good answer.  Reading somewhere that people who eat Paleo style don’t eat it because of inflammation or something isn’t a very strong reason.  We are only thinking about Paleo, we are not doing Paleo, and until we change our minds about our eating in some hugely cataclysmic way I can’t see making myself suffer through eating even one more bite of almond butter.  Yes, it really is that bad.

 

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