Can We Talk About Failure?

hello old friend

Okay, so maybe failure is a bit big of a pronouncement to make, maybe fizzle out would be better. This paleo/primal eating that we are trying to do is really getting to me. It’s hard to come up with stuff to eat. I miss baking A LOT and you know how I have issues with substitutions. We have been around 80/20 or so with dairy and still, I look forward to eating pizza and watching a movie on Fridays as though it is my lifeline on a sinking ship.


Actually, it is a wonderful experience to have that anticipation. I am pretty used to instant gratification on most things, food especially, but I like cooking a lot and looking up new recipes to try and getting cookbooks from the library and looking at all the pictures. Cooking is more than just putting together ingredients for something to eat for me. I like to think about it beforehand and follow recipes, but also make things I know backwards and forwards. Somehow I haven’t been able to find that groove with this eating style. All I seem to be able to think about is what I can’t have.


I got a whole stack of cookbooks devoted to paleo/primal cooking from the library. They were pretty meh. I get this feeling like a lot of the people who are into eating like this see food as fuel only. None of the books seemed to be written by anyone with a passion for food. They had passion for eating clean, and that’s awesome, but surely someone out there can eat clean, and write some great recipes. It wasn’t even that the recipes were bad, they were sometimes awkwardly written, but tasted good. It was just hard to turn the recipe into a meal. Since grains and beans are off the table, and it is damn expensive to buy a ton of meat (we still did it, but my god the price!) the meals have to be filled with a lot of veggies. Which is great, but some nights I just don’t want to eat any more kale or broccoli and I just want some pasta. Or homemade bread. I miss making homemade bread. I miss trying out new recipes for cheese crackers or graham crackers.


I miss cooking without restriction. I don’t like restriction. Who does?


Oh, yeah, and I didn’t lose any weight! Maybe a pound or two of water weight, but nothing else. I know I wasn’t super strict, but we were pretty overboard on the grains and sugars, surely there should have been a deficit somewhere. Nope.


So I’m not saying I’m quitting it, just easing off a bit – taking a break. I want to do some baking. I want to make some homemade cheese crackers for playdates. I want to approach cooking dinner with joy and anticipation, not dread like the night that I had to butcher chicken thighs myself to make a recipe that left us both still hungry! I want to be vigilant about the amount of grain and sugar I am consuming and keep some of the habits I have formed without having to be so hard core about ingredients. Eggs for breakfast serves me well – often I am not hungry for lunch and just have some kind of snack after Margot naps. Not having muffins and sandwiches from the coffee shop on the weekend is obviously a good habit financially, and healthwise. Loading the plate with veggies will continue, but there are going to be garlic butter noodles on there from time to time too. And homemade cheese crackers (have I mentioned those yet?). And homemade pizza. And banana bread. And a pie or two with the lovely fall apples. And then we’ll see how we feel and probably revise again, and again, and again.


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